Tolerance and Infidelity

Here's an article by Pamela Druckerman from a series of eleven articles in the New York Times, dated May 18. The general topic "Are French Women More Tolerant" is in keeping with many of the comments I have received regarding the sexual behavior of the French as compared to Americans. A reminder that though the topic is entertaining, DSK is not being held for infidelity, but for a criminal offense, as yet unproven. Another reminder that we are far from immune to this sort of thing: we let O.J. Simpson off on a murder charge, and we allowed Ted Kennedy to spend his life in the Senate, even though he was not only faithless to his wife, but guilty of murder, if not in the first degree, in some degree. A debate in which French mores are pitted against American mores is forever interesting, but doesn't resolve any issues. Infidelity is wrong. Infidelity is common but not universal. Infidelity is not confined to one country or culture. Infidelity must not be taken for granted as American-born Anne Sinclair seems to be doing. Besides wondering about DSK, it might be worthwhile to wonder about his wife's masochistic tolerance. If you click the link above, you will have access to the ten other articles:

When I tell ordinary French women about their reputation for turning a blind eye to their husbands’ adultery, they think I’m nuts. “Would you want your husband to cheat on you?” one stunned wife asked me.

French politicians are supposed to be sexier; no one -- not even their wives -- expects them to keep all that charisma bottled up.

In fact, French people think fidelity is terrific. According to polls, it’s the top quality women seek in a spouse, and No. 2 for men (first is “tenderness”). The French don’t even “date,” which could mean juggling several suitors at once. Monogamy is presumed from the first kiss. In sex surveys, French and American adults report nearly identical high rates of monogamy.

Politicians are another story. We Americans want ours to be recognizable versions of ourselves; someone we could imagine having dinner with. The French prefer to elect people who would never invite them to dinner. Even the expression for politician, "homme politique," suggests that they’re a separate species. French politicians are supposed to be more clever, more learned and more cultured than ordinary humans.

They’re also supposed to be sexier. Popular politicians are routinely described in the French press as “seductive.” No one -- not even the politicians’ own wives -- expects their political leaders to keep all that charisma bottled up. In America, the cuckolded political spouse is supposed to react the way the rest of us do: with anger and humiliation. In France, she can survive with her pride and her marriage intact.

Dominique Strauss-Kahn has allegedly gone way beyond mere infidelity. He’s charged with attempted rape. His wife, Anne Sinclair, says she doesn’t believe the accusations. She has long defended Mr. Strauss-Kahn’s private behavior.

In 2006, when asked if she was pained by her husband’s reputation for being a "séducteur," Ms. Sinclair said: “No, I’m rather proud of it! For a politician, seducing is important.”

This elite view does trickle down a bit. Even ordinary French people admit that while fidelity is a great idea, real life sometimes gets complicated. When this happens, they might not let their husbands off the hook. But they have an easier time forgiving than we do.

H/T: Lawrence Auster, where he links to other articles about Madame Stauss-Kahn.